It was an ordinary day. It started as ever with the lectures at the university, continued at my job place, then turned into a brief shopping and dinner with the family. In the evening I was going out to see the friends.
I got on the bus #24 and took a seat in the back row. Listening to the music and being plunged into my thoughts I was not noticing anything around unless my sight stumbled on a married couple sitting in front of me. The way they were talking, laughing and tenderly looking at each other made me smile. You can’t really say it is natural for a couple at the age of around 55. Soon after I recognized the parents of my former classmate in that couple. I froze. Oh man.. the memory quickly took me 14 years back to our small classroom.
A thin and modest boy sitting next to me is D. I will meet his parents in 14 years in the bus #24. We are not friends and have never been and will never become them. The teacher just decided us to sit together, alright – not a big deal.
My birthday was coming and my friends were already notified of the time and place where and when that was going to be celebrated. D was not among them. But he knew that something was going on. Well, one can never avoid these, you know, kind of pre-birthday rumours so that in the end everybody at school knows who, when and where was going to be born… for the eighth time. Yea, that year I was turning 8 years old. A sincere boy D decided that if he had not been invited he had to do something about it: “Please invite me to come to your birthday party.” – he came straight up to me, “I will bring a very big gift for you”. Oh boy… To me it sounded so weird and impolite that I immediately blurted out a sharp “no”. Being puzzled and frustrated a girl at the age of almost 8 told him that she could not invite him for a very serious reason.
Needless to say, there was no reason. I just did not want him to come. And I did not really care about his feelings and wishes. And when later at home my mom tried to expalin that it was not a right thing to do and I needed to immediately rule it out, I still was not getting why. And he could probably see it when the next day I came up to him saying that he could come if he wished it so much…
On the long-expected day all the invited boys with bow ties and girls in bright dresses gathered in our house. Everyone was there. Everyone, except D. Yea, he did not come. Indeed, I did not invite him (at least the way I did it with others), and he never came.
Many years passed, many things remained in the past. I changed upside down. Everyone knows, that my doors now are always open for everyone who wants to visit me on my birthday or any other day. And I am absolutely sure that D does not remember that case. But I do.
And when I sometimes randomly see him I always want to somehow tell him that I am sorry.. He does not even know what for.
They say that most importantly is to accept your mistakes. Well, maybe it is. But does it make us feel better? I am not sure.
It was time to get off the bus. I came up to D’s parents to say hi and that I had covered their bus fares. And you know, I wanted so much to say something else, but did not mange to define what exactly.